Harm Reduction Part Fourteen - Arrested

This part continues in the FLOP HOUSE after Part Three.

Int. Morning, Flop House. PETE is sleeping on a cot in JUSTIN'S arms.

PETE slowly wakes up and, upon realizing he is next to JUSTIN he jumps with a start.

PETE:

Oh my God! Who the fuck are you?

JUSTIN:

My name is Justin and I am going to love you for the rest of your life.

PETE

You don't even know me you freak.

PETE looks around desperately for his clothes.

PETE 

Did we...?

JUSTIN

No, we did not have sex. I just thought you would be more comfortable and, also, I wanted to see what was under there.

PETE

Who the fuck do you think you are?

JUSTIN

I am your new boyfriend. I have been waiting for you a long time.

PETE
You've never even met me before.
Where are my clothes?

JUSTIN
There are no closets or dressers in this crack den so I placed them gently on the floor.

PETE gets dressed while JUSTIN talks.

JUSTIN:

So from what I gather from your situation is that the police and your family are probably looking for you and I would assume there are some legal matters pertaining to your newfound home ownership that need some seeing to so might I suggest you remove your clothes again, lie back down with me, and do a line and we can discuss the matters at hand.

PETE

Are you for real?

JUSTIN
Very much so.

JUSTIN, who is still naked, is tattooed from neck to ankle. PETE looks him up and down.

PETE:

So what's the deal with all the tats?

JUSTIN:

I had a boyfriend who hated them so I would get one every time he pissed me off.

PETE:

You're covered.

JUSTIN: 

He pissed me off a lot.

PETE laughs a little. There is silence. PETE drifts off to sleep in JUSTIN'S arms.

INT flop house. Next day.

PETE:
What day is it? I feel like I slept forever. How did that happen when I was doing coke?

JUSTIN:
Oh, that wasn't coke.

PETE
What was it?

JUSTIN:
Heroin.

PETE:
What the fuck?! What did you give me that for?

JUSTIN:
You've had a bad couple of days. I thought you could use the sleep..

PETE:
Fuck you man.

JUSTIN:
...and bliss.

PETE
But I snorted a ton. I could have OD'd.

JUSTIN:
Na. I was watching you.

PETE:
All night?

JUSTIN:
Yes.

PETE:
Don't you sleep?

JUSTIN:
How could I sleep when I had you here to admire.

PETE:
Seriously.

JUSTIN:
And I apologize. I licked you a couple of times again. I can't help it.

PETE:
Wow. Ok.

JUSTIN:
By the way if the cops show up this heroin is yours.

PETE:
Excuse me?

JUSTIN:
C'mon. Be nice. Looks like you're in more trouble anyway.

PETE
Ya, but...

JUSTIN
Remember how I said if the cops show up this heroin is yours.

PETE
Ya, five seconds ago.

JUSTIN throws the bag of heroin over to PETE

JUSTIN:

Well they're here.

PETE

How do you know?

The door busts open and four SWAT cops run in guns drawn.

PETE and JUSTIN are cuffed, taken outside and pulled apart in the direction of two different cruisers,

Pete yells out.

PETE:

My name is Pete Kopecky. K-O-P-E-C-K-Y

Justin made a mental note of what PETE had just said.

Harm Reduction Part Thirteen - I Killed My Mother

17-year-old PETE arrives at home obviously disheveled. His mother JULIA meets him at the door.

JULIA:

Are you high?

PETE

Yes

JULIA

You have been missing for four days.

PETE

I know where I was.

JULIA

We are getting sick of this.

PETE

Who exactly is we?

JULIA

Ed and I. And we have to lie to your brothers. I don't get it. You want for nothing. You have a safe and happy home.

PETE

It isn't safe.

JULIA

Well I don't see why you have to skip school and such.

Pete

I said it isn't safe.

(Pause)

You know why I do what I do.

JULIA

I most certainly do not.

PETE

Then why do you take all those pills? For fun?

JULIA

I have issues with my nerves.

PETE

Is that right?

Mother, I get high for the same reason you do.

JULIA

You get high because you are a hedonist.

PETER
You get high because of the big secret hanging over the both of us.

Mother, if I called the police to tell them why I really get high you would lose your house and your children. Know that.

JULIA

You would never.

PETE

I think I'll call them right now.

JULIA begins to shakes and runs for her pills. She goes to the medicine cabinet...

PETE
You'll notice a few are missing.

PETE picks up the phone and starts dialing. His mother desperately tries to pull the receiver out of his hands.

JULIA
Please don't.

PETE:
So you know. You don't want me to call the police for the reason I just said. You would lose everything.

JULIA
Please just don't.

PETE (into the receiver)
Ya, hi, um, ya the police please. Sure I'll hold.

JULIA
I beg of you Peter don't do this,

PETE (to Julia)
So you know what I'm going to tell them. (back into the receiver) Ya, hi, my name is Pete Kopecky and I... (Pete hangs up the phone but Julia thinks he is still connected.)...I would like to report a sexual assault. Ya, 8 a.m.? Sure. 32 Howard St. Thanks.
PETE: Hangs up his fake phone call.

JULIA
Oh Pete, Please. Keep it between Ed and me.

PETE
And who else ma.

JULIA:
Well, and you.

PETE:
Ya, me ma. The victim. You forgot about me.
And no. You harass me about my drugs and I can very easily wreck your little life, I have the power now. The cops are coming at 8 a.m. and I am going to tell them that your husband is a pedafile, and they are going to take your children from you and I will label you complicit and this house will go to me and I will kick you out. So ya I might be high all the time but fuck if I haven't thought this through.

JULIA
You would never.

PETE
The cops are coming at 8 a.m. tomorrow morning and I am telling them everything.
And the funny thing is, mother, is that you don't even know if he has ever stopped molesting me. Well it has stopped mother. It stopped when I got big enough to beat the shit out of him. Remember a few years ago when he showed up pretty messed up. That was the day it ended. That was the day your forgotten son took care of things himself..
And tomorrow morning when I tell the cops it ends for good. For all of us.


JULIA runs from the room.

INT: Pete's bedroom. Next morning.ED comes in and wakes PETE up.

ED

Your mother hes overdosed on her pills and she is dead. The ambulance and the police are on their way.

ED leaves the room.

Pete thought, oh my God, she did that because I threatened to have the police come over. He thought about it a few minutes. He realized he wasn't sad or guilty. After a little while there was a knock at the door. It was the police. There was a knock at his bedroom door, It was ED.

ED

The police are here and they want to speak to you.

PETE put some clothes on and went downstairs. He passed quickly past his mother's room where there were some strange people milling about. He saw only his mother's feet,

OFFICER #1

We understand you placed a call to 911 at 7 p.m. last night. Why was that?

PETE

I thought my mother was in distress.

OFFICER #2

But then you hung up.

PETE

I reconsidered it,

OFFICER #1

Guess you were wrong.

PETE

Guess so.

PETE went upstairs and gathered a few things in a duffel bag, He left and went to a flop house he knew, On that November Thursday he lost his mother, inherited a house and, at the flop house, met Justin Denny, It was the last part that would affect the rest of his life the most.

...to be continued

Harm Reduction Part Twelve - You Killed My Dad

INT day Kopecky kitchen.

ANDY is cooking eggs at the stove and JUSTIN is sitting at the table.

JUSTIN

How are you Andy?

Andy stops.

ANDY

I'm ok Justin. Thank you for asking.

 
They state at each other.
ANDY appears to tear up.

JUSTIN
You're not ok are you

ANDY
Justin my father was just murdered. And you're the first person who has asked me if I'm  ok.

JUSTIN
So are you?

ANDY
People comforted Robbie.  People comforted Sam. People even went up to Pete and they think he had something to do with this.

JUSTIN
Andy you are so put together and healthy looking and you give off this air of self confidence to the point that I think people assume you're fine.

ANDY
Would it kill some one to ask?

JUSTIN
And by the way Pete had nothing to do with this

ANDY.
Did you kill my dad?

JUSTIN

No I didn't

ANDY.
Do you know who did?

JUSTIN
Ya, I do

ANDY.
Why would someone do this?

JUSTIN
Because I asked him to.

ANDY (sobbing)
But Justin, he was my dad.

JUSTIN
I'm sorry Andy but to me he was the monster who ruined the life of the man I love. I can't see past that.
Pete let him  live here to raise you boys. Pete said he would get rid of him as soon as you boys were grown. That happened and Ed was still here. 
What do I do about that?

ANDY

It's so fucking tragic. 
I know what my dad did to him but did it really have to go like this?

JUSTIN
Ya  Andy it did. And I am fully aware you don't get that and right now Pete doesn't get it either

ANDY
Couldn't you have just left it alone?

JUSTIN
Not anymore. No fucking way.
(ANDY is crying).
Andy this was inevitable

ANDY.
The answer is I'm broken

JUSTIN.

What?

ANDY
You asked how am I?

JUSTIN
I did

ANDY.
And to think you made this happen and a tiny part of me thinks you might have been justified is a little hard to wrap my mind around.

JUSTIN
Look at me Andy.
This was not only justified, for your brother it was long overdue

ANDY.
What you are saying to me is so fucked up and still I'm giddy over the thought that you are taking the time to explain it all to me

JUSTIN.
I get it.

ANDY
How screwed up is it that the only person who has offered me any kind of comfort since my dad was killed is the guy who set it up.
Nothing around here is normal.
Do you want an egg?

JUSTIN
Ya, I'd love one.

In the next scene Andy and Justin sit at the kitchen table eating

JUSTIN.
I feel bad that my actions have traumatized you.

ANDY
Justin I have been generally traumatized for years

JUSTIN.
Really?

ANDY
Well, let's think about it. I live in a house owned by my drug addicted brother who; by the way, was sent to jail for convincing my mother to kill herself. Oh, and my brother's drug addicted boyfriend (he points at Justin) you, appears to be a permanent resident of my home  And finally, my youngest brother, as sweet and innocent ass a new-born kitten, has gone one step further and is dating a drug dealer.
So, ya, I'm a little traumatized.
Oh, and I almost forgot, that drug addicted boyfriend of my brother appears to have convinced someone, I don't even know who, to kill my dad.
Yup, that's what's up with me.

JUSTIN
I do see how that might be the case.

 Silence

.
ANDY
(Andy sighs) Fuck me.
I have lived my whole life on the straight and narrow. Kind, polite, all around nice guy. I eat well. I work out. Get good grades. All of it. The supposed foundations of a happy good life. Ok
That is not what is happening.
And no offense but all you guys despite your bad behaviour and criminal activity seem to all be just la-di-fucking-da. You in particular don’t seem to have a job or a home and yet with a wave of your hand every homo in this city cowers and waits for your instructions. How is that, Justin? Are you God? Are you the devil?

JUSTIN

Awesome.

ANDY

What the fuck  is so awesome exactly?

JUSTIN

You. Angry. I knew it was in there somewhere. I’m fascinated.

Pause.

ANDY is teary. He serves JUSTIN an egg. He puts one on a plate for himself and sits at the table. JUSTIN is staring at him with a wry smile on his face.

ANDY

…and stop staring at me.

JUSTIN

You are a very complex young man.

ANDY

(annoyed) Really Justin?  Ya, that’s it. Complex  So complex and good looking that I intimidate people. So much so that I don’t have any friends.

JUSTIN

I’ll be your friend.

ANDY

I don’t think that’ll work out considering right now I want to punch you in the face.

JUSTIN:

That would be hot.

ANDY:

You are fucking crazy.

JUSTIN:

…And to answer your questions. I am certainly not God. The devil? I just might be him.

Harm Reduction Part Eleven - Ed Dies

The morning Ed Burrows' head was shot off was no different than any other.
Ed got up at 7 to the smell of his coffee already brewed by the auto-timed coffee maker. Andy was in the living room stretching for his run. Sam was over at Vinita's. Robbie was snoring in bed and Pete was passed out on his bedroom floor having not had the energy to get into bed after a five-day drug bender.
Justin was not around.
Tommy was across the street from the house with a finger on the trigger waiting for Ed to come out for the paper. He had his instructions.
He would get one shot probably. That was it.
Justin had shot up with Tommy the night before and had given him very specific details on where to stand and what to do. He promised Tommy there was no way he would get caught.
The gun popped and Ed's head exploded. Tommy couldn't believe his luck.One shot. One hit. Justin will be very proud. Tommy stood there observing his work. He almost forgot to run away.
Andy saw the body first. Robbie second. Someone went up and got Pete.
Pete looked down at the destroyed body of the man who had destroyed his life. He was paralyzingly aware that this event would solve a lot of his problems and create many new ones.

Tommy sent a text to Justin. "I have done it. Forgot plan. Where do I go now?"
While he waited for an answer Tommy went to the local diner. The thought that he was a murderer never crossed his mind. He had tucked the gun into the back of his pants. He really didn't know how that thing worked. He only knew what Justin had told him.
He plopped himself down in a booth and the gun went off.

The boys looked down at Ed's body. Nobody moved.
Ed's skull had been so shattered there was nothing they could do.
Robbie covered his mouth with his hands. There was no noise coming out of him.
Andy knelt on the porch. His eyes raised to meet Pete's gaze.
Pete said simply, "I didn't do this."

Justin responded to Tommy. He said, "Go home."

Everything in the diner came to a complete stop. People thought they had heard a gun go off but nobody appeared to have been shot and no one saw a gun.
Tommy stayed as still as possible. "Oh my God," he thought. "I just shot myself in the ass." He held a napkin behind him and limped off to the bathroom. It hurt like fuck.

Justin looked at the guy in the bed. He couldn't remember his name.
"Hey Jay," he said.
"it's Joe you moron," the guy replied.
"I gotta go."
Justin put his clothes on  and walked out the door.
He headed to Pete's place. He could only imagine what was going on there. On the way he practiced a few variations of his game-face. Surprise and then concern. Should be ok. He was thinking that the surprise should probably last a little longer than the concern.

At some point he would have to pull Pete aside and tell him what he had done.

Tommy went into a toilet stall and pulled his pants down. His ass hurt like fuck. It appeared he hadn't shot himself but there was a nice round hole in his jeans. He assumed there must be a bullet in his seat out in the diner. He went back out and gingerly sat down. His breakfast had arrived. I will tie a tablecloth around my waste when I leave, he thought. And no one will know any better.

Justin headed over to Pete's place. He had no idea what he was going to see.

Andy had made the 911 call. Pete grabbed the phone out of Andy's hands and called Ben.

"Hey, What's Up?" said Ben in his normal calm way.
Pete tried to sound the same.
"I am standing on my porch looking at Ed's dead body. Someone has shot his head off."
"Oh my God. Have you called anyone except me?"
"The world is aware of this," said Pete. "And I don't know what to do."
Ben said he would be right there.

Justin had arrived and was standing in the small field across the street from Pete's house behind a small utility shed. He peeked around the side and did an assessment. Lots of people on and around the porch. Sirens in the distance,
"There's a lot of damage here." he thought.
With reassurance he  said to himself:
"But this was necessary."

Tommy arrived home.
His mother asked why he was wearing a tablecloth.
He said, "because I shot myself and put a big hole in my jeans."
He walked passed her and went to bed.
She questioned all the money her and her husband spent on Tommy's therapy Still making stuff up, all the time.
Tommy told his parents such outlandish stories that they were convinced he was a compulsive liar.
Truth is Tommy never lied.

Pete heard the sirens coming too. He hoped Ben would get there first but it was unlikely.
To his left across the little field he saw a dark shadow near the shed. Someone was watching and hiding. The figure came around and into full view.
It was Justin.

Pete left the porch and walked across the field towards Justin. Justin approached Pete as well. When they met Justin simply said, "So?"
Pete punched him smack in the middle of his face.
Justin fell backward and landed with a loud thud on the ground. A loud thud on soft fresh snow.
He gathered himself and stood up. Blood dripped from his nose.
In halting words and struggling for breath Pete said simply, "What have you done?"
Justin opened his mouth to speak and Pete clocked him again.
On his back, Justin screamed, "Stop hitting me!"
Pete began, "I know you did this and how dare you. Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Justin scrambled back up to his feet."
"What make you think I had anything to do with this?"
Pete punched him square in the face a third time. Justin collapsed to the ground again. Pete walked over, put his foot across Justin's throat and pushed into the ground. He leaned over the the now suffocating and immobilized Justin and said, "I know you did this because I just beat the shit out of you and you didn't defend yourself."
Pete removed his foot. Justin coughed and gasped to get his breath.
"I'm sorry. I had to make a decision for you."
"This wasn't your decision to make."

JUSTIN

Fuck you punch hard.

JUSTIN is bleeding profusely from his nose.

PETE:

I held back you fucking jerk. Who did you get to do this? And get behind the shed. You are at your own crime scene.

JUSTIN and PETE move behind the shed.

JUSTIN

I got Tommy to do it,

PETE

Fuck me. 

JUSTIN

I did this for you.

PETE

What the fuck are you talking about? Have you lost your mind?

JUSTIN

Ten years ago you said that when your brothers didn't need their dad any more you would kill him.

PETE

So what?

JUSTIN

They don't need him any more and you weren't doing it.

PETE pauses and backs away.

PETE:

I was going to.

JUSTIN:

When?

Pete doesn't know how to answer this and stares at the ground. Justin wipes the blood off his face with his scarf.

JUSTIN:

You were never going to do this.

PETE walks away.

JUSTIN:

(yelling) Were you?

PETE continues walking back to the house.

JUSTIN:

Where are you going?

PETE turns.

PETE:

I am going back to my home to take care of my brothers. They just lost their dad.

JUSTIN:

Where am I supposed to go?

PETE:

I don't care.

PETE walks further away. His back to JUSTIN

JUSTIN:

Petey!!

I know you can hear me!

PETE turns around.

PETE:

(in tears) You are the only person I trust. How dare you.

JUSTIN:

One day you will get this.
I did this for you.

PETE turns away and walks faster. He turns quickly.

PETE:

Next time get me some fucking mittens.

JUSTIN:

Poetry aside Petey, I really have nowhere to go.

PETE doesn't turn around.

JUSTIN:

And for the record, Speaking as your boyfriend, The outfit your have chosen for this horrific occurrence is really bad. 

PETE charges back to JUSTIN, who raises his arms in defense, and clocks him one last time.  

Harm Reduction Part Ten: Pete and Andy

INT: Café.
Pete and Andy and are sitting across from each other at a table. They are both looking remarkably uncomfortable.

Pete:

So why am I here.

Andy:

I told you I wanted to ask you something.

Pete:

I can't imagine what that would be considering you don't really know me.

The two of them sit in uncomfortable silence until Andy breaks the ice.

Andy:

Your friend Justin seems really nice.

Pete:

Look Andy if you're going to try and butter me up with compliments at least make them about me.



Andy:
Why are you always so mean to me?


Pete:
I don't know Andy. You just make it so easy. And is that the question you had to ask me? Cause if it is this is a huge waste of my time.


Andy:
I mean really. I have spent days and nights trying to figure out what it is I did or said to cause this dislike you have for me. And you know what? I can't find anything. Nothing. So what is it?


Pete:
My discomfort is so real right now it's like another person sitting at the table.

Andy:
So what is it?

Pete:
Well I hate to break it to you my dear brother but there isn't a reason. You didn't do anything and you didn't say anything. I just don't like you. I don't care about you and I don't think about you. You are just there.


Andy:
Do you know how that makes me feel?


Pete:
I don't care. Now what's this question you had to ask me?


Andy:
Did my Dad sexually molest you?

Pete:
Wow. And may I ask why you think that may be a possibility?

Andy:
I was thinking about some stuff and it fits. Makes sense.

Pete:
Really. Enlighten me. Better yet, let's analyze this. So if I say no he didn't that's pretty embarrassing for you, right?

Andy:
I guess.

Pete:
And what if I say yes Andy. What if I say ya your Dad not only molested me but he also raped me.

Andy:
Well that would be terrible.

PETE:
And what if I told that he started off trying to make friends with me and earn my trust.

Pause.

PETE:
And what if I told you that over time he started touching me in places he shouldn't have,

Pause

PETE:

And what if I told you that he said if I told anyone he would kill you boys.

ANDY:

His sons?

PETE:
Yes Andy. You and Sam and Robbie.

PETE:

Look Andy, you are the last person on earth I thought I would tell this too. So don't think you have have a coup of information of something just forget it.

ANDY is sobbing.

ANDY:

I didn't want to hear any of this.

PETE:

But you asked.

And you know what dumb ass now maybe you'll sit back and think wow my big bro offered up his ass to save my life. 

Strange but true, eh?

So maybe now I should stop trying to figure him out and just leave him alone.

ANDY:
You don't seem so mad at Sam and Robbie.

PETE:
Well Andy. That would be because you look like your Dad. You sound like your Dad. You even have the same stupid walk.

ANDY:
But I'm not him. That doesn't make sense.

PETE:
Andy, I'm a a gay drug addict multiple rape victim. Every once in a while I might not make sense.

ANDY:

So what do I do to fix this.

PETE:

You can't fix it Andy. It just is. Look I've been nicer than I've ever wanted to be to you by giving you enough crap to explain why I'm mean to you. Go home and think about it and then forget it. OK. We're done.

ANDY:
Maybe we should talk this out.

PETE:
You know what Andy? The discomfort I feel sitting here with you is so strong it's like another person sitting at the table.

ANDY:
Well I feel like I owe you something for protecting me.

PETE:
Well, ya, Andy. You do. And do you what pisses me off. He never had any intention of hurting you. When I realized that I just lost my mind. Do you know that when you were two I kidnapped you?

ANDY:
Ya, I kind of heard about that.

PETE:
Did you ever wonder why?

ANDY:
I just thought it was a story. I didn't know for sure.

PETE:
Well, dear brother, one day I took it upon myself to pull you out of your crib and run away with you.

ANDY:
Why?

PETE:
Because I thought that your Dad would do to you what he did to me.

ANDY:
Where were going to take me?

PETE:
Forgive me. I was nine. The plan went as far as hiding us both in a lump of grass by the creek. Some details were missing.

ANDY:
So what happened?

PETE:
We got found. You went back to your crib and I went to a mental institution.

ANDY:
Didn't you do that again?

Harm Reduction Part Nine -- No Release

                                                                                                                                                

BEN pulls away from PETE and stares into his eyes.

BEN:

 I should get us to the hospital.

PETE:

Were you going to kiss me?

BEN:

I don't know.

PETE:

Please don't ever try that again.

BEN:

OK. I'm sorry. I crossed a line.

PETE:

Don't ever even touch me.

BEN:

Get in the back.

BEN opens the door for PETE. He gets in. BEN goes around to his side. Before he gets in he lets out a sigh of frustration. They pull away. BEN studies PETE in the mirror. PETE is sobbing. They drive away in silence.

INT. NIGHT JAFFEY HOUSE KITCHEN

ROBBIE is at the ktichen table trying to open a carton of milk. ANDY is standing behind him doing the dishes. ROBBIE fumbles the carton and milk flies everywhere.

ROBBIE:

Ay..eee.ay.

ANDY:

Oh dear.

ROBBIE starts sopping up the milk and the dog MIX comes in and starts slurping up the milk.

SAM enters the room. He is on the cellphone. He steps into the milk and wipes out on the floor.

SAM:

Fuck me!

SAM scrambles to his feet. He is now talking into the cellphone.

SAM:

Why the hospital? Fuck. Okay okay. Fuck. Why do I need to come? Well ya, I can get it. It's his.

Twenty. Got it.

SAM hangs up the phone and begins talking to ROBBIE (still cleaning the floor) and ANDY (still doing the dishes.

SAM:

Both of you just stay here.

ROBBIE:

Okay.

ANDY

I'm doing the dishes.

SAM:

I see that. Just wait for me to come back.

ROBBIE:

Is this about Pete?

SAM:

Yes. So just stay here. 

ROBBIE:
What did he do?

SAM doesn't answer and leaves.

INT. DAY:  HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM

BEN and PETE are sitting side by side on a bench in the hospital waiting room. PETE is handcuffed. They both stare straight ahead.

INT. DAY: JAFFEY KITCHEN

ROBBIE:

What do you think he did?

ANDY:

I have no idea.

ROBBIE:

Should I go see?

ANDY:

Sam said not to.

ROBBIE:

They seem to behave themselves a little better when I'm around. 

ANDY:

How would you know how they behave if you're not around?

ROBBIE:

Oh.

(pause)

Nevertheless I think I'm right about that. I should go. Where's the dog? 

ANDY:

Relaxing.

ROBBIE:

He never recognizes the sense of urgency in this house does he.

ANDY is holding a plate up in the air blankly staring at it. ROBBIE watches for a moment.

ANDY:

What?

MIX (the dog) walks into kitchen and takes a dinner plate off the kitchen table and walks away. ROBBIE watches this happen. ANDY continues washing the dishes.





INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

BEN and PETE sit side by side.

BEN

Please tell them it was an accident. It would really help me.

PETE:

You fucking assaulted me.

BEN:

You hit me first.

PETE:

Ya. So what? You were making the moves on me.

BEN:

I wasn't.

PETE:

I'm not a moron. I can see that kind of shit coming. I've been around you know. Why am I even talking to you. I don't even know you. It's not enough that you harass me. Now you fucking clocked me.

BEN:
I'm trying to help you.

PETE:
Oh sure. And I end up hospitalized. Good job.

BEN:
You headbutted me. Really hard. And I overreacted.

PETE:
I'll cut you a deal.
I'll say you fell if you blow me right now.

BEN:
No fucking way.

PETE;
Your choice.

BEN:
Nothing is beneath you is it?

PETE:
Haven't found anything yet.





The Vicious Daisy Camps

By the way I should mention that all of my blogs will be honest and, therefore, x-rated. You have been warned.

So I have to do it...one more schizophrenic hottie tale.
So I'm walking through my same old neighbourhood alley (don't ask) and I see a different crazed youth coming towards me. I assume he's going to ask me for a smoke. He gets closer and closer and then a little too close and then bang!! He bashes right into me.
"Fuck you!" I say.
And then he goes, "Fuck you!
And again, "Fuck you!"
And then he adds, "No, fuck you dude.!
We pause, looking at each other.
We would be great friends.

Onto camping. Me and my BFFM (male) Gerry and my BFFF (female) Jane decided one night that we should spend a bit of time exploring our rustic sides and go camping. We had made that decision after eating a few pot brownies by accident. (I originally thought our lovely troubled friend Marcus had brought a normal dessert. I should have known better.) It was just after my head had separated from my body and was floating up to the ceiling that I thought maybe this is a bad time to make plans. Mmm...us...camping. Would be like throwing three cats into bathtub full of water, i.e., not very organized.

Well, we tried it.

Gerry was to rent a car and pick up Jane and her massive pooch first and  then me and my 110 pound monster dog. Those dogs weren't pets. They were "don't pets."

When Gerry pulled up to my place I realized he had rented the smallest car in town and even though there were three people, camping gear and two massive dogs going on this trip the biggest thing in the car was Jane's summer hat. It stuck out the windows on both sides of the car.
"I am not leaving my dog behind because of your hat."
"Oh, but honey," she whined, "in all of my fantasies about this trip, I'm in this hat. I want it in all the photos..."
We did reach a compromise and tied it to the roof. There we were in the heart of Redneck-land driving around in a car wearing a big hat.The hat blew off mid-journey anyway. Jane was reduced to tears but that happens a lot so it was easy to ignore.

The ride was not exactly serene. The dogs fought. Gerry and I fought. Jane and I fought. I fought with one of the dogs. I can sum it up with one comment from Jane: "If you play one more Erasure tune I am going to slit my wrists!!!"

We stopped off first to buy Jane a bathing suit at a shop in Haliburton. Four hours later we left with Jane in tears, without a bathing suit having tried on every one in the shop, mumbling the mantra, "I'm fat, I'm fat, I'm fat."  Gerry of course was all prepared with a Versace swim suit and matching bathing cap. I wore way-to-big-for me athletic shorts, left behind years ago by an ex, You know the type - the crappy pretend athletic shorts for those who prefer to ponder rather than move. The ones with the inner lining that supports nothing and get all tangled. I tried to deduce which ex left them behind but I came to realize that all of my ex's were about the same size. Doughy.

We next stopped at the grocery store. We had planned to have incredible BBQ's with steak, sausages, ribs...the whole deal. Jane walked into the store, grabbed six grapefruits and announced "I'm done."
Jane should always try on bathing suits right before she goes to the grocery store, She saves money. It's like that "Always go to the grocery store fat" rule.

On the way back to the car I made the mistake of commenting to Jane, "Isn't this fun?."
"Actually no," she replied." "I'm fat. I have nothing to eat but grapefruit and I have lost my hat. So if you say that again I'm going to fuck up your day."