Harm Reduction Part Nine -- No Release

                                                                                                                                                

BEN pulls away from PETE and stares into his eyes.

BEN:

 I should get us to the hospital.

PETE:

Were you going to kiss me?

BEN:

I don't know.

PETE:

Please don't ever try that again.

BEN:

OK. I'm sorry. I crossed a line.

PETE:

Don't ever even touch me.

BEN:

Get in the back.

BEN opens the door for PETE. He gets in. BEN goes around to his side. Before he gets in he lets out a sigh of frustration. They pull away. BEN studies PETE in the mirror. PETE is sobbing. They drive away in silence.

INT. NIGHT JAFFEY HOUSE KITCHEN

ROBBIE is at the ktichen table trying to open a carton of milk. ANDY is standing behind him doing the dishes. ROBBIE fumbles the carton and milk flies everywhere.

ROBBIE:

Ay..eee.ay.

ANDY:

Oh dear.

ROBBIE starts sopping up the milk and the dog MIX comes in and starts slurping up the milk.

SAM enters the room. He is on the cellphone. He steps into the milk and wipes out on the floor.

SAM:

Fuck me!

SAM scrambles to his feet. He is now talking into the cellphone.

SAM:

Why the hospital? Fuck. Okay okay. Fuck. Why do I need to come? Well ya, I can get it. It's his.

Twenty. Got it.

SAM hangs up the phone and begins talking to ROBBIE (still cleaning the floor) and ANDY (still doing the dishes.

SAM:

Both of you just stay here.

ROBBIE:

Okay.

ANDY

I'm doing the dishes.

SAM:

I see that. Just wait for me to come back.

ROBBIE:

Is this about Pete?

SAM:

Yes. So just stay here. 

ROBBIE:
What did he do?

SAM doesn't answer and leaves.

INT. DAY:  HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM

BEN and PETE are sitting side by side on a bench in the hospital waiting room. PETE is handcuffed. They both stare straight ahead.

INT. DAY: JAFFEY KITCHEN

ROBBIE:

What do you think he did?

ANDY:

I have no idea.

ROBBIE:

Should I go see?

ANDY:

Sam said not to.

ROBBIE:

They seem to behave themselves a little better when I'm around. 

ANDY:

How would you know how they behave if you're not around?

ROBBIE:

Oh.

(pause)

Nevertheless I think I'm right about that. I should go. Where's the dog? 

ANDY:

Relaxing.

ROBBIE:

He never recognizes the sense of urgency in this house does he.

ANDY is holding a plate up in the air blankly staring at it. ROBBIE watches for a moment.

ANDY:

What?

MIX (the dog) walks into kitchen and takes a dinner plate off the kitchen table and walks away. ROBBIE watches this happen. ANDY continues washing the dishes.





INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

BEN and PETE sit side by side.

BEN

Please tell them it was an accident. It would really help me.

PETE:

You fucking assaulted me.

BEN:

You hit me first.

PETE:

Ya. So what? You were making the moves on me.

BEN:

I wasn't.

PETE:

I'm not a moron. I can see that kind of shit coming. I've been around you know. Why am I even talking to you. I don't even know you. It's not enough that you harass me. Now you fucking clocked me.

BEN:
I'm trying to help you.

PETE:
Oh sure. And I end up hospitalized. Good job.

BEN:
You headbutted me. Really hard. And I overreacted.

PETE:
I'll cut you a deal.
I'll say you fell if you blow me right now.

BEN:
No fucking way.

PETE;
Your choice.

BEN:
Nothing is beneath you is it?

PETE:
Haven't found anything yet.





The Vicious Daisy Camps

By the way I should mention that all of my blogs will be honest and, therefore, x-rated. You have been warned.

So I have to do it...one more schizophrenic hottie tale.
So I'm walking through my same old neighbourhood alley (don't ask) and I see a different crazed youth coming towards me. I assume he's going to ask me for a smoke. He gets closer and closer and then a little too close and then bang!! He bashes right into me.
"Fuck you!" I say.
And then he goes, "Fuck you!
And again, "Fuck you!"
And then he adds, "No, fuck you dude.!
We pause, looking at each other.
We would be great friends.

Onto camping. Me and my BFFM (male) Gerry and my BFFF (female) Jane decided one night that we should spend a bit of time exploring our rustic sides and go camping. We had made that decision after eating a few pot brownies by accident. (I originally thought our lovely troubled friend Marcus had brought a normal dessert. I should have known better.) It was just after my head had separated from my body and was floating up to the ceiling that I thought maybe this is a bad time to make plans. Mmm...us...camping. Would be like throwing three cats into bathtub full of water, i.e., not very organized.

Well, we tried it.

Gerry was to rent a car and pick up Jane and her massive pooch first and  then me and my 110 pound monster dog. Those dogs weren't pets. They were "don't pets."

When Gerry pulled up to my place I realized he had rented the smallest car in town and even though there were three people, camping gear and two massive dogs going on this trip the biggest thing in the car was Jane's summer hat. It stuck out the windows on both sides of the car.
"I am not leaving my dog behind because of your hat."
"Oh, but honey," she whined, "in all of my fantasies about this trip, I'm in this hat. I want it in all the photos..."
We did reach a compromise and tied it to the roof. There we were in the heart of Redneck-land driving around in a car wearing a big hat.The hat blew off mid-journey anyway. Jane was reduced to tears but that happens a lot so it was easy to ignore.

The ride was not exactly serene. The dogs fought. Gerry and I fought. Jane and I fought. I fought with one of the dogs. I can sum it up with one comment from Jane: "If you play one more Erasure tune I am going to slit my wrists!!!"

We stopped off first to buy Jane a bathing suit at a shop in Haliburton. Four hours later we left with Jane in tears, without a bathing suit having tried on every one in the shop, mumbling the mantra, "I'm fat, I'm fat, I'm fat."  Gerry of course was all prepared with a Versace swim suit and matching bathing cap. I wore way-to-big-for me athletic shorts, left behind years ago by an ex, You know the type - the crappy pretend athletic shorts for those who prefer to ponder rather than move. The ones with the inner lining that supports nothing and get all tangled. I tried to deduce which ex left them behind but I came to realize that all of my ex's were about the same size. Doughy.

We next stopped at the grocery store. We had planned to have incredible BBQ's with steak, sausages, ribs...the whole deal. Jane walked into the store, grabbed six grapefruits and announced "I'm done."
Jane should always try on bathing suits right before she goes to the grocery store, She saves money. It's like that "Always go to the grocery store fat" rule.

On the way back to the car I made the mistake of commenting to Jane, "Isn't this fun?."
"Actually no," she replied." "I'm fat. I have nothing to eat but grapefruit and I have lost my hat. So if you say that again I'm going to fuck up your day."